The Cleanse.

So, I took a blog break yesterday. It was just another Snow Day here with a little less snow and a lot more ice.

I am not the New Years Resolution making kind of girl. But, I do believe in taking the opportunity to change one's life for the better each chance you get. With that said...I have embarked upon the journey of reformulating from the inside out. I have started reading one of my favorite books, "The Calling" again (the third time...yeah, I love it that much). It's a journey to a better me. I say this because it is my belief that we, as people, are here to learn to be the best people we can be. Step by step, lesson by lesson, and day by day. A lot of the time, the steps, lessons, and days seem to be more than we can take, but I guess one of the biggest comforts for me is knowing that each day is new. Yes, I have read it three times. Why do I need to re-read something that I feel is so life changing? Hmm...how to put this. I'll put it this way...making the right decision every time, staying calm even when your patience is tried to it's limit, staying positive no matter what, and loving even the most irritating and ridiculous about any and everybody is harder than it sounds. Everyone needs a little reminder now and then. Sound corny? Well, hey, it works for me...

In addition.....(here comes the crazy part)...I started the Master Cleanse, also known as the Lemonade Diet. It has been three hours...I am already STARVING. Why am I doing this to myself, you ask? Good question.

In "The Calling" one of the most important, more immediate lessons is to take care of this body. To keep it as free of toxins and such as possible. I don't mean that I will become a crazed picky eater and never indulge, but I am looking to try and revamp some of the food habits I do have. I am not super out of shape. I don't eat McDonald's at every turn. But, I do feel like I can definitely improve the choices I make. Hence, trying to start with a clean slate. Although, I am beginning to question whether this cleanse is worth the discomfort. I am not one to be a failure or to quit things that are hard. But really, can I accomplish the same goal with a different avenue AND get to actually eat for these ten days? Let's hope. Because, let's face it...fixing breakfast, lunch, and dinner for the kids while I try and stomach the 6-12 servings of cayenne, maple syrup, and lemon juice loveliness...is...well, not fair.

I guess this can be classified as a "rant"...so, for that I apologize. But, I mean really, could someone feel any other way about it?

Maybe it's in the pages of one of the best books ever. One that I will be taking my afternoon "me" time to dive into again. I will say that it does tell you to make the most out of everything to get the most out of it. Looks like I just answered my own question...

Well, I guess we shall see what happens in my next post. Can I keep myself from eating my husband's always incredible food? Will I end up feeling like I can withstand ten days of this cleanse...? - sigh -

Until next time...

Taking a Snow Day

It seems funny to me how excited grown-ups get about a "snow day". Along with children, adults silently (sometimes) sit in front of the TV in the morning to watch the newscasters and their closing announcements in anticipation of their own daily obligations possibly being put off too. With that said, at 7:30 this morning, a call came through that offices would be closed. Bobby was ecstatic. Giddily he said, "Welp, guess that means I can play xbox all day!" Yep, that's my husband. Gotta love him.

The kids decided that it was too much to wait for us to get up and we heard them as they squealed, throwing snow balls at each other outside our bed room window. Ryland, in all of his 4 year old wisdom, decided to go out in shoes with no socks, jacket with no shirt, and cloth gloves. Caitlyn, the older of the two, had no idea of the proper snow clothing guidelines either. Poor things. Well, at least they get to see the most snow they have ever seen today. It's reminiscent of home for me and that's definitely okay.

Aside from the occasional visit to a theme park or zoo, few things offer adults the license to behave as children more than a snow day. Snow ball fights, snowmen, hot cocoa, and movies are the order of the day.

However, where in the rule books is it stated that the heater in our house is afforded such a luxury? Shouldn't the heater want to use this day as it's time to shine? Apparently, our heater didn't get the memo. With snow falling and the temperature steadily seated at 30*, our heater has taken the day off.

I will calmly take this time to ask, W..T..F?

This is the kind of cold that fuzzy socks, fuzzy pants, two shirts, and the best blanket in the world will struggle to overcome.

Thankfully, while I have been typing this, Bobby has been diligently trying to remedy our heating issues and grumbling about the fact that maintenance seems to have a snow day too. But, finally, they answered and are sending "an Emergency Crew Member" to our house. That's right, it's an emergency alright. There goes sleeping on the couch in the cold with the kids tonight...I won't miss that option. 

Bright side: Weather events (including power outages) afford families the time to connect with each other in a way that the regular every day kind of days don't. We were able to have a great breakfast of eggs and pancakes together with a side of hot cocoa for the kids and liquid sanity (coffee) for me. This afternoon calls for family nap time, followed by movies and some warm home made chicken noodle soup.

Wait...this is starting to sound like "Leave It To Beaver". Since when did I get this domesticated? It's about time, I suppose, but strange none the less.
Guess I'll sign off and go snuggle under said amazing blanket with my book to complete the picture.

Happy Snow Day, folks. Wherever you are.

Yep...I'm a newby.

So, for my second post, I thought I would add something I wrote yesterday that kind of spurred me to start this blog. I hope that I will be granted forgiveness for any ramblings and/or nonsense. As I mentioned above, I am a newby and I will be working the bugs out of my posts day by day I guess. But hey, since it's only me reading this...I'm patient.

Who is she, that girl whose face I recognize, gazing back at me in the mirror? Her stare is familiar, although, the remainder of her features do not jog my memory. Slightly over-weight (at least by my standards) and obviously glum, my reflection tells a lie about who I feel like I am. I do not talk like, act like, or appear to be the wonderful, dynamic, soulful woman I know is inside of me. However sure I am she is in there, I am almost just as positive that there is a lot of work to be done to reveal her. As I write this, I catch a glimpse of that lie in the mirror. I think, “Sit up, Diane. Don’t slouch and show those folds of skin and fat like that.” But who am I fooling with no one else in the room? How can I hide the inevitable truth that there are improvements that need to be made now? Subsequently I think, “No, sit there like that. Burn it into your memory so as not to let it happen again.” It’s almost like scolding and telling myself to “sit in the corner and think about what I’ve done.” Sad, but strangely effective.

As I smooth the crème over my parched skin, it is blindingly apparent that I am calling out to myself from within. “Help me… Help me,” I echo. I begin to think about all of those moments I stole two years ago, out in the spring time sun. Ryland took his naps while I sunned, showered, and read my way into being a better me. Each day I was able to take some time to realign my inside self with the outside one; causing them to be one in the same. Ahh…the good old days.

My thoughts war with each other. One tells me that I am just in a time of flux and that it will be smooth sailing sooner that I think, and another harps on how I have accomplished little more than fifteen steps forward and ten back in the last two years. I know the former is correct and that the latter is merely the negatives trying to maintain their grip on my weakened mind. That’s what has gotten me here. I have weakened my resolve, stopped my forward momentum, and opted for the tangent that I have found myself on. I can make the most of this amazing situation while re-routing myself to the heaven on earth I had awakened into. I am sure of it. All that remains is to take it step by step once again. One sunny day, one blissful shower, and each page at the time. Happiness is mine.

Another Step Toward Catharsis and Sanity

Writing is quite cathartic. 

Everyone has their moments. Some of the moments are deliriously joyful, scary, amazing, disgraceful, down right ludicrous, and sometimes a combination of many. One thing is sure, all of these moments are beautiful. 

It took me a long time to realize that I can navigate through such moments more gracefully through writing. I am able to dump out excess emotions and get to the me that I know exists instead of the me that is wrapped up in the events of the day/week/month (you get the point). I have thought that perhaps I write to remember...and perhaps I write to forget. But I think it's probably a little of both. 

That leads me to one question: why a blog? 

Well, I have been sitting here trying to figure it out...for quite some time. And I'm not really sure...

But...I realize that:

1) I have a hope of keeping a record of my stumbling (however purposeful) in this life; one that is not just kept in the confines of my personal laptop. 

2) I have a hope of encouraging myself to write more in a more interesting way. Paper and pen gets a little over done.

3) And...there is a small hope...that maybe someone will read this. Someone who loves it, hates it, is inspired by it, is confused by it, or is somewhere in between.  Whatever the feeling...I hope something positive stays with them. Maybe that one word, phrase, story, rant, or quote will say something that resonates. Because then, this outlet wouldn't just be helping me, but someone else too. 

But at the very least, perhaps I have found one more step toward happiness. It's a win win.